Doctor: so, yes, you definitely have an infection. I'm going to give you a course of antibiotics.
Me: Oh, great, thanks.
Me: So, um, will I be able to drink alcohol while I'm taking them?
Doctor: Well, it's not advisable. But [leans forward confidentially and winks] you can have a glass of wine.
Me: Ah, that's um, nice.
[another pause while Doctor looks up my records on her PC]
Doctor: Hmm, there is one note that's popped up on the computer. It says I should ask you about your smoking...?
Me: Smoking! Oh no, I don't smoke anymore. I gave up ages ago.
Doctor: Right. When, exactly?
Me: [thinks hard and tries to ignore cigarettes smoked last Wednesday]. About erm... 4 years ago?
Doctor: Well done! [like hell you did]. Well, here's your prescription, hope you feel better soon.
Me: Um, sorry, just one more quick question. I mean I haven't, errr, been, you know, while I... but when can I, um, well, er, [speaks really quickly] WHENCANIHAVESEX?
It's a good job I work in an industry that requires me to be articulate, eloquent and diplomatic at all times isn't it?
The answer, by the way, is whenever I want to! hurrah. But here's a top tip: always go to the toilet afterwards and try to wee. Here endeth the lesson (I hope).