Tuesday, December 4, 2007

How to make a good impression

Doctor: so, yes, you definitely have an infection. I'm going to give you a course of antibiotics.

Me: Oh, great, thanks.


Me: So, um, will I be able to drink alcohol while I'm taking them?

Doctor: Well, it's not advisable. But [leans forward confidentially and winks] you can have a glass of wine.

Me: Ah, that's um, nice.

[another pause while Doctor looks up my records on her PC]

Doctor: Hmm, there is one note that's popped up on the computer. It says I should ask you about your smoking...?

Me: Smoking! Oh no, I don't smoke anymore. I gave up ages ago.

Doctor: Right. When, exactly?

Me: [thinks hard and tries to ignore cigarettes smoked last Wednesday]. About erm... 4 years ago?

Doctor: Well done! [like hell you did]. Well, here's your prescription, hope you feel better soon.

Me: Um, sorry, just one more quick question. I mean I haven't, errr, been, you know, while I... but when can I, um, well, er, [speaks really quickly] WHENCANIHAVESEX?

It's a good job I work in an industry that requires me to be articulate, eloquent and diplomatic at all times isn't it?

The answer, by the way, is whenever I want to! hurrah. But here's a top tip: always go to the toilet afterwards and try to wee. Here endeth the lesson (I hope).


almostwitty.com said...

With the CAPITALS, I thought you had SHOUTED it across the Doctors' surgery. Which would be tres amusing!

zuzula said...

i think i managed to maintain my normal pitch... but it did come out slightly desperately!

Confuddled said...

*rolls on floor in laughter*


Grace said...

Lols! Love it!

zuzula said...

confuddled - THANK YOU! ;)

grace - the mortification...!

Grace said...

It could have been a lot worse... however, right now i'm really struggling to think of how :-P

fake adult said...

I can't believe it's been four years since we met up!

Peas on Toast said...

Dude, that's classic.

But she didn't mention, I see, as to why you had one in the first place. :)

zuzula said...

grace - it certainly wasn't my finest hour!

FA - how time flies ;)

Peas - somehow I think she probably suspected ;)

silverfox said...

Hurrah for Sex and Ciggies (sly ones of course)!

KaB said...

You sneaky, lucky bitch you!