Friday, October 12, 2007


Before he met me Monte Cristo had a fling with a girl who I'll call Jane. It was, according to MC, one of those liaisons that you spend most of the time trying to escape from. They split up (if you can call it that) about 3 weeks before we got together. Essentially, he says, he just wasn't that into her, although she was by all accounts very into him. I'm inclined to believe him - within a week of meeting me he suggested that we change our Facebook statuses accordingly (the joys of modern life) whereas I know that he wasn't listed as being in a relationship at the time he was seeing J, because we were Facebook friends by then although we hadn't actually met (see above).

Anyway. On Wednesday I noticed that she had written a 'hi, how are you' type note on his Facebook wall. Irrationally, it made me fume. So I did the decent thing and checked out her profile. I wish I hadn't but of course I couldn't help it. She's younger and thinner than me (gasp) but, in the words of my lovely colleague, she's also a 'gopper'. I'm not sure what that means but it doesn't sound very flattering which is fine by me.

Additionally she sounds like a manic depressive (hmm, not sure about MC's taste in women!). So now while I'm cross with her for contacting my boyfriend, I'm simultaneously concerned that if he doesn't reply (and he says he doesn't want to), she'll do something stupid. I guess it can't have been easy for her. Imagine seeing someone for a couple of months who expresses no interest whatsoever in a relationship. Then within 4 weeks of being dumped you see them proclaiming to the world that they have a new girlfriend. But would you then get in touch with them? I'd like to think that, even if I wanted to, my friends wouldn't let me.


Gretta James said...

Can I be straight.. I think you're reading far too much into it.

MC doesn't want to reply. He doesn't reply. Whatever she does isn't your or his responsibility now.

She's left a polite message saying hi, if he doesn't reply she should get the message and leave him alone - I'm pretty sure it's not something to worry about.

Gretta x

zuzula said...

Oh, I'm not worried about it hon. I'm slightly confused about how much it riled me though!

fake adult said...

Oh, I think it's natural to be riled, initially. If I was MC, I probably would reply, in a sensitive yet assertive manner, "I've moved on; how are you?"

Stalkbook - spot on. It's quite creepy really, and while my friend list has been private almost from the start, I've prevented strangers now from poking, after receiving several from people I barely remember meeting five years ago. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with sending a message? When you haven't seen someone for years, the first thing you do is poke them on Facebook? Sheesh.

Our Gen X friends are finally signing up ('finally'? I've been on there, what three months), even ones that a few months ago used 'never' in the same sentence. LinkedIn no longer doing it for them, I guess.

How did we live before Facebook again?

Mkononi said...

Agree with Gretta, but if you really want to kick her into touch, get MC to reply with "New relationship is going really well, haven't felt this complete in years. How are you?"

KaBtalk said...

I have begun to loathe that side of can taunt a person! I recently had a 5 week thingie with some guy...he popped my cherry for goodness sake...whispered sweet nothings in my ear...made me feel like the only girl on the planet with the way he treated me! Now it's all over...I'd rather get paraletically drunk than have to explain but now I see him in photos with other girls, esp this one who I saw him out with last night!

I hate FB cos it's a gateway into watching the person who would like to be with hook up with another!

It sucks!

But I love every other aspect of it!

KaBtalk said...

Oh & as for the ex...don't you waste your breath over her...sounds like a silly little girl who your newbie man isn't interested in anymore!

He's whipped...enjoy it! said...

Well, I poke people before emailing them - that way if they don't want to hear from me then it's saved me the effort of composing a suitably witty message!

I do tend to love/hate Facebook because it's the first time my non-digital friends have signed up to anything. Although they seem to have lost interest now! And LinkedIn I thought was more for professional networking.

Z: You're just a jealous woman ;) And skinny's terrible anyway!

Revolving Credit said...

In my view when things are over it is best not to contact the person for while, until such time that both parties have healed / come to terms with the situation.

Seeing as their split was relatively recent, this does appear to be an action of someone you may well be having trouble letting go.

While he may well feel he need to respond, as this is someone who he does/did care about, you are justified feeling somewhat jealous as her underlying intensions are not necessarily in the best interests of your relationship.

Even if the chance of them being a direct influence on your relationship is slim, it still poses some measure of threat and you are allowed to be on your guard.

zuzula said...

FA - yeah, i'm not accepting any new friends on Facebook anymore. Unless they're already good friends - but my close circle is all on there now anyway. It did start to feel a bit weird for a while. I've also taken off all my exes.

Mkononi - I like your style! I might subtly suggest that to MC...

Kab - Oh hon, that sucks. Take him off your friends list (see above) - it's really liberating and then you won't have to put yourself through having to see what he's up to all the time. Hugs x

Almostwitty - I'm not usually a jealous person... only when provoked!

Rev - you've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly it - they were never friends so there's really no other reason for her to be in touch. It can't be nice for her either.

Peas on Toast said...

Hiya Zuze

Well the exact opposite happened to me. Let's say that I was MC in this case and was 'sort of ensconced' with one guy. 'Ensconced' is a loaded term, but we'd hook up now and then. He wanted a relationship, I didn't. Then I met 747 and a few weeks later, my profile status changed to 'in a relationship' too. I felt bad, but then I did always say to the ensconced man that I was never going to be in a relationship with him. So unless MC didn't put his cards on the table with Jane, I wouldn't worry. As for him replying, I think it is better he doesn't. He's sensible. Because if he did, he may just lead her silly head to believe that he wanted to reply?

Does that make sense?

zuzula said...

Peas - you make perfect sense as ever hon! I've been at both ends of it myself in the past - I guess you can just never tell who will make you want to commit and who won't.

Mkononi said...

awww, crush her spirit :(