Sunday, October 5, 2008

waste of time

So far today has been an absolute waste of time. The whole event is fit only to be filed under 'pointless-hours-of-my-life-i-will-never-get-back'. It's quite a big folder, as I suspect is the case with everyone who has a full time job. What's galling about today though is that it's not even office hours. I am wasting my own time. Ggrrr.

Firstly, the microwave caught fire.

Mother's reaction: 'what did you do to it?'
Z: 'I torched it.'

Honestly what the fuck does she think I did with it? All I was trying to do was heat some food, which I believe is the entire point of the thing. Anyway. The microwave was a gift from my 83 year old grandmother, who I am sure told me she bought it from Argos. Rather than upset her by telling her she'd given me an inferno as a housewarming gift, I decided to tactfully take it back and hope that, on account of the fact that it was still smoking, they wouldn't be overly fussy about whether or not I had the receipt. So I packed it up and carried the heavy box for miles, in the rain, back to the shop. Only to find she'd clearly got confused: the microwave isn't from Argos after all, and I have no idea where she bought it. Cue me lugging said heavy box back to the car again, still in the rain.

Then three cars - three! - in a row cut me up on the road, leaving me beeping and swearing and generally making every rude gesture possible, feeling like a raging bull. I saw red, I really did. I don't think I've ever had hardcore roadrage before but my God, was I incensed. My heart was pounding and it was all I could do not to just drive straight into the dimwitted wankers.

Decided to calm down by engaging in a spot of retail therapy, but of course, I couldn't find anything remotely attractive. Oh - and I've just got to the gym to use the spa (what could be more calming than that?) only to find the bloody thing is out of order. At least I can use the internet here which is more than i can say for home - yup, the Blackberry is on strike too.

I want to go back to bed.

Speaking of which last night I was flicking through the free channels, half pissed, when I found this random 'adult' show called Party Girls on Smile TV (not exactly a saucy name but there you go). It was quite possibly the least arousing bit of soft porn I have ever seen. Some heavily tattooed, orange Glaswegian lass wearing a very cheap wig and fake eyelashes writhing around on a sofa in Primark underwear pretending to talk into a phone which very clearly wasn't ringing despite her attempts to generate callers by licking the handset with pierced tongue. Still it did remind me to put out the recycling. I guess you get what you pay for.

8 comments:

Grace said...

Congratulations in torching a microwave!!!

Coolest thing I've heard all weekend!

If I were you I'd look at that more as an achievement than a problem :-)

Peas on Toast said...

hahahahahaha

Honestly what the fuck does she think I did with it?

hahahahahahahahahaha

That exactly what my mum asks. Those rhetorical sort of questions that drive me bananas.

Peas: I crashed ym car.
Mum: But what HAPPENED?
Peas: I deliberately rammed it into a brick wall, what the fuck?

:)

zuzula said...

Grace - well... perhaps i'd be more proud if it didn't take SO LONG to cook anything in the oven. I am STARVING! ;)

Peas - our mothers are to blame for our guilty consciences... are you like me, the minute something goes wrong, you immediately wonder what you did, even if you know it had nothing to do with you!

Being Brazen said...

lol - That sounds like a bloody awful day...on the bright side things can only get better ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - yip, exactly like that!

And if I don't do things exactly how my mother does them, it's automatically wrong.

How perfectly fucking irritating innit.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Go get your award!!

zuzula said...

Being Brazen & Blonde Blogshell - I hope so , where's my kharma?!

Peas - absolutely. My mother can't bear to watch me do *anything*. I think she must wonder how I survive not being like her on a daily basis!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

You are the cutest...I mean...Go Get Your Award on my blog...you really deserve it!! LOL