Wednesday, September 3, 2008

one year on

Yesterday was the first anniversary of dad's death. I didn't handle it particularly well. I was an emotional ferrari all day - dry eyes to floods of tears in a couple of seconds.it was like super PMT. Anything set me off - driving over to mum's, a journey I have done so many times I could do it blindfolded (I even know where all the speed cameras are) I suddenly completely forgot which turning I needed to take. So I cried.

MC spent the day with us and even mumbled the Kaddish over dad's grave, bless him. He had to work in the evening and stayed behind for a couple of drinks afterwards. And yes, I lost it again. I felt so hurt that he didn't come straight home and I can't even explain why really. It's something he won't understand, hopefully for a very long time, I guess. I don't fully understand it myself and I've had a year to get used to it.

I guess grief brings out your inner child - fragile, vulnerable and in need of constant support. Unfortunately in the adult world this also amounts to the girlfriend from hell.

4 comments:

Mrs Pop said...

I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like. I think you are allowed to be particularly emotional on that particular day.

Hang in there. :(

The Divine Miss M said...

My thoughts are with you - I can't imagine how that feels.

I'm sure that the fiance was understanding, it was a horrid day :(

Kitty Cat said...

Shame, us fellow bloggers are with you in spirit. They say, I don't know, that the first year is the hardest and it gets easier from there.

zuzula said...

thanks folks xx